Brazil Struggles to Rest — and Why It’s Vital to Try

In November 2021, a woman with autoimmune issues experienced a flare-up. Her doctor was unsure whether rheumatoid arthritis or fibromyalgia was the cause, but the achiness and fatigue made it clear something was more active than usual. She woke up tired, needed naps, and often ran out of spoons—a term from Christine Miserandino’s essay “The Spoon Theory,” familiar to many with chronic conditions. While the reason was unclear, her body was demanding rest.

Resting proved difficult. Even knowing she needed rest did not make it easy. She would sit to watch a show and try to multitask, or put off a nap like a reluctant toddler. Instead of throwing a tantrum, she tried to push through to finish an email or move laundry. Despite her body and brain crying out for rest, allowing herself to do it was hard. She had to reparent herself, enforcing stopping times and rest periods.

People in the Western world, especially in the United States, are programmed to be productive. They are told they should be busy with work, errands, and chores. From a young age, they are conditioned to stay busy. Common sayings include “I’ll rest when I’m dead” and “no rest for the weary.” Many are exhorted to “pay their dues” and “put in the work.” Even if direct messages were avoided, indirect ones came from watching parents come home with groceries, fix dinner, and continue working after dinner, modeling that rest is not a priority.

Rest is not just sleep, though sleep is a large part of it. It also includes sitting comfortably doing little, listening to music, watching TV, meditating, working on a puzzle, reading, or journaling. In the fall, during her autoimmune flare, she realized she should rest more. She had become so used to overriding her body’s signals that she did not realize how far she had pushed herself. When she checked how her mind and body truly felt, she was shocked to find they were almost buckling, on the edge of collapse.

She waited to notice what was happening until she could no longer do many daily tasks. A banner day might have involved a single load of laundry or cooking dinner. She was so fixated on staying busy that she could not honestly assess her need for busyness. She had lost the ability to tune into her body to know if it needed to move, stretch, or sleep. If she had continued pushing, she is certain she would have fallen ill. She was dealing with brain fog, fatigue, and joint and muscle pain, all making life unpleasant.

She cleared her calendar for at least three weeks, including work appointments, and took time off. It was torture at first. Her husband continued working, modeling “proper” behavior. She discovered she was incapable of just resting. She had to relearn how to listen to her body to find out what it needed. She also had to reprogram her thoughts about rest as an inherent right, not a reward for productivity. She had to learn how to actually do it.

She did all the forms of rest, from naps to puzzles to sitting quietly. It was ridiculously difficult. She had to force herself to limit herself to single-tasking, doing one task at a time. Watching a TV show was especially hard, as her inner monologue chastised her for “just sitting there.” She sometimes sat on her hands to avoid picking up her phone or a crossword puzzle. She often put her phone on silent and left it in another room to reduce temptation. Even with these steps, she did not always manage to single-task.

Through reinforcement, she learned that nothing likely would arise in an hour or two that required her to give up resting. She realized she was retraining her nervous system to relax. It was so used to being alert that resting took getting used to. When she started to budget rest into her days, she could tell more easily what signals her body was sending. It became easier to converse with her brain and body to find out how they were feeling and what they needed.

She now feels more integrated than before. At any given moment, she can pause, tap into what she is feeling mentally and physically, and act on her own needs in more nurturing ways. When she loses focus on a project, she no longer pushes through. Thanks to months of practice, she pauses and checks in with her brain and body. She can quickly ascertain whether she needs a simple break, to walk around, to go outdoors, or to stop for the day. She is learning to embrace the idea that rest is an inherent right, not something that needs to be earned. It is no longer something that occurs only after pushing herself to the point of collapse.

The more she leans into rest and builds it into her days, the more energy she has to accomplish the things she wants to do in life. When she adds time off or breaks during the day, she has better focus when working on a task. When she includes rest in her days, she has the energy to exercise in the morning and make a good meal for dinner.