Brazil Breaks Free From Victim Narrative, Rewrites Life Story

A few years ago, the writer met an old friend and mentor, referred to as Ray, for coffee near their home. The writer, having recently become a director, described the difficult transition from counselor to manager. They told Ray about struggling with budgets, evaluations, and holding people accountable, feeling like a burden when asking for help. The writer also mentioned criticism from staff who said they were too nice and not firm enough on policy.

Ray listened and then told the writer they were seeing themselves as a victim, as if life was happening to them. The writer hoped for advice, but Ray offered only the truth and trusted the writer to find their own way. Driving home, the writer felt the comment was unfair and had reasons for their feelings. However, the word “victim” stayed with them, even as they tried to sleep.

Turning the word over in their mind, the writer began to see its truth. They had been holding onto unexpressed grievances and a sense of being wronged without trying to change things. The writer pictured wearing a wooden sign around their neck with the word “Victim” on it. They realized they were choosing to wear it.

The writer then asked what word they wanted to carry instead. Words like hero, victor, and creator came to mind but did not fit. The word that surfaced was “Steward.” Looking it up, the writer learned it meant the keeper of the house, someone trusted to look after what belongs to a larger story. A steward takes care of what is given, stays present with intention, and recognizes that even difficult parts are worth caring for. Unlike a victim, who is defined by what has been done to them, a steward is defined by what they choose to do with it.

Years later, the challenges of leadership remain. Recently, a strong staff member asked for a meeting and said the writer’s flexibility with others was making her job harder. She felt it was unfair that people who did not follow through faced no consequences. The writer initially wanted to defend themselves, explaining they were trying to ease pressure. But the writer recognized this was the victim talking. A steward does not protect themselves from hard feedback. The writer told the staff member she was right, thanked her for coming directly, and said her feedback would help them hold clearer limits and protect the standard of excellence.

The writer notes the movement from victim to steward is ongoing. They still stumble and feel the sign return. The shift came from recognizing that the difficulty of leadership was not a punishment but a call to service. The writer now thinks about what it means to tend to their life instead of just surviving it. They remember Ray’s uncomfortable truth and the word that replaced the sign: Steward. Someone who tends to what they have been given, listens to what life expects, and answers the call.